Welcome to Our Thanksgiving Playbook
To gather joyfully is indeed a serious affair,
for feasting and all enjoyments gratefully taken are,
at their heart, acts of war.
In celebrating this feast we declare that
evil and death, suffering and loss, sorrow and tears,
will not have the final word.
These words are the opening salvo of Douglas McKelvey’s liturgy “For Feasting with Friends” from his book Every Moment Holy (Volume I). We have gifted this book dozens of times over the years, and rarely a week goes by where it does not come up in a conversation (like this morning actually, on a work call).
Each Thanksgiving since its publication in 2017, this liturgy has served as our table blessing before we dig into the rich feast before us.
It sets the tone. Elevates the conversation. Expands our perspective.
Admittedly, it is strange to think of feasting as an “act of war.” It’s jarring.
Feasting is peaceful, joyful, life-giving. War is violent, angry, death-dealing.
Having never met McKelvey, we are unsure about his sense of humor, but conjuring up a silly scene from Monty Python when he wrote this (“‘Tis but a flesh wound!”) is almost assuredly NOT what he had in mind.
While the call to war is obviously figurative, it is intended to be no less arresting than hearing the tocsin bells start up in a medieval town.
It’s a call to radically shift our outlook, to move from a day of just food, family, and football—though good pursuits in and of themselves—to a heightened sense of purpose, a gathering unique in time and space, never to be repeated, whose impact will ripple across the cosmos.
Hubris? We don’t think so.
This liturgy means more to us than just the words themselves. It is also symbolic of a seminal shift in our lives. A shift from entering into Thanksgiving as a day of food and casual conversations (or deft avoidance of certain conversations) to creating a gathering of deep—even cosmic—significance, purpose-built with intentionality and infused with meaning.
Two people have influenced how we approach gathering more than anyone else.
Douglas McKelvey was the first. His thoughtful, profound liturgies infuse meaning into every moment of normal life, from the changing of diapers, to the reading of the news, to the cooking of a hurried meal.
The second is Priya Parker, strategic advisor and author of The Art of Gathering. At the beginning of this book, she challenges hosts to think deeply about their purpose for gathering.
“Here is the great paradox of gathering: There are so many good reasons for coming together that often we don’t know precisely why we are doing so.”
When we dive deep and clarify our why, we can create gatherings that serve the intended and specified purpose. Gatherings where you leave with the certainty that this was truly time well spent.
For McKelvey, this purpose is an “act of war.” And, while perhaps it is purely a coincidence that Parker’s book title, Art of Gathering, shares a striking similarity to the ancient Chinese text Art of War, there is an interesting parallel.
Sun Tzu’s advice before going into battle—“[He] who wishes to fight must first count the cost” and “Ponder and deliberate before you make a move”—sounds a lot like Parker’s advice.
Each week leading up to Thanksgiving, we’ll be sharing some inspiration and super practical tips to awaken your imagination and inspire you to think deeply about your own Thanksgiving gathering, whether you are hosting or guesting (it’s a real word; deal with it).
Episode 1: Setting the Table
Episode 2: Making Meaning of the Meal
Episode 3: Elevating the Engagement
Episode 4: Lingering over Leavings
Copy and paste if helpful. Or pick through the pieces and grab what resonates most and build your own meaning and traditions out of them.
Read our next Thanksgiving Playbook post:
Episode 1, Wait Is This a Costume Party!?
